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Except you know the origin and were there at the formation of the family, at the creation of the world. Your gender, position of authority, and profession notwithstanding, you should not be used or be the reason the family is disintegrating.
Your gender, your position of authority, and your profession notwithstanding, this includes those religious leaders who tell their followers that their mothers and mothers-in-law are witches whom they should run away from. Lamentation 2:14 Thy prophets have seen vain and foolish visions for thee and have not seen your sins/iniquities. To bring back your captivity, “Jeremiah 23:25-32, “behold, I am against them that prophesy falsely…“
My gender should refuse the urge to be used again, as it was with Eve and Delilah. If a man has lived and associated with his family prior to marrying you, from his birth to the age of marriage, and that family did not destroy or kill him.
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Why would that family kill him after marrying you? Some men also refuse their wives’ having relationships with their parents or family. Did you buy her with a prize like a slave? Can you love him or her more than their family? Have you thought of his or her emotional state when the temporary blindness of love disappears? How cranky will he/she become from missing family attachments? Is any family totally useless to any child? How long can such relationships last with occasional feelings of lack of fulfilment and emptiness, money not withstanding?
If his or her family asked him or her not to marry, could it be that they saw through you and knew you would be no good? Why not prove them wrong by being the opposite-good, friendly, and accommodating? He/she has survived thus far with his/her family without your love.
Every family has its own issues, including yours. So why separate him/her from his/her roots? Do you not also need separation from your own family? Oh, your family is devoid of the usual family issues and dramas? No such family on earth. So also, do not separate him/her from all childhood friends, cousins, classmates, etc., those who pique his or her interest.
Agreed, some could have bad influence but can’t be all, so do not totally strip him/her off and leave him/her empty because when love and marriage finish and end, he/she will need family and intimate friends who have become more like family and blood relatives. Dear man, you are not a robot, so have your own mind and dialogue with her.
Convince her that you are there to protect her interests and let her see you actually do it. Face your family when they do something wrong to her instead of running away from your problems. And ensure she is not disrespectful to them.
If she doesn’t disobey and disrespect her own parents, she shouldn’t do so to your family members without discussion or dialogue. After all, “the teeth and tongue do fight” yet live together inside the same mouth, so why can’t we tolerate each other? Can we be perfect for ourselves?
Do we not also offend people? Have we never received forgiveness from those we wronged? How many friends will be around us if everyone we ever wronged puts us away?
We need each other because life is short. Of course, her voice has to be hard without feelings of undue entitlement as learnt from social media. We can all always have our way with the right approach.
Discuss, dialogue, make your concerns known and see if you will get an apology or an explanation since we are not mind readers and may not appropriately and correctly interpret people’s minds and actions. Give a chance to people to right their wrongs and treat us better before going public; this is true love.
Remember that your children will bear that family name. And if all effects fail, including taking holidays, followed by a temporary separation after which everyone comes back refreshed to try again, then end it. Life goes on.
Leave and live. Nothing lasts forever, not even life itself. Remember, there is no marriage in heaven. Marriages come and go, but the family is like an army barracks: soldiers come and go, but the barracks remain.
By Dorothy Chinenyenwa