By MarkAnthony Nze
101. INT. BAR.NIGHT.
The DUO OF KEN and RAY at their usual ‘hang out’ drinking and smoking as they discuss.
KEN
Good Gracious! The turtle neck is finally off!
RAY
What’s wrong with you man?
KEN
Are you blind? Can’t you see that something is actually wrong amongst us?
RAY
I don’t seem to see anything.
KEN
If you can’t see or notice anything, it’s either you’re blind or your faculties are no longer intact.
RAY
Don’t insult me man!
KEN
I’m not insulting you, I’m only telling you the truth, can’t you see we’re not complete here?
RAY
Listen man! Don’t bother yourself about Dan, he will definitely join us soon.
KEN
Ray, from the look of things, Dan has quit drinking, in fact, he has quit everything we do together as friends.
RAY
Why are you so worried about the man?
Is it because he answered the altar call on Sunday? Come on Ken! me and you know that he has a purpose for that and as soon as he achieves that, the rest is history.
KEN
Ray, I was in Dan’s office earlier in the day and from the way, he sounded I need no further conviction that we’ve lost him to those religious fanatics.
RAY
Ken, you know quite well that the fish can’t live without water, Dan, we know can’t survive a day without alcohol and women, same for the two for us here so, it sounds ridiculous to me that he has changed. I really don’t believe you, man!
KEN
You had better believe it, the fish has finally left the water course and it’s still living.
RAY
Too many mysteries in this place, they call church.
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102. INT. JEFF’S RES. NIGHT.
MR.KADIRI Comes into JEFF’S APARTMENT fuming with RAGE as he complains to JEFF concerning COLLINS’S BEHAVIOUR.
KADIRI
Collins! Collins!
JEFF
Good evening sir, hope all is well?
KADIRI
Jeff, please save your greeting, I’m not here for pleasantries. Where’s that irresponsible friend of yours?
JEFF
You mean Collins, sir?
KADIRI
Yes, where’s the idiot?
JEFF
He’s not back from work but is there any problem, sir?
KADIRI
The rascal beat up Adamu, simply because he was carrying out my instruction. He beat him to pulp and right now, he’s in the hospital receiving treatment. I’m not going to ask your friend to contribute a dime for his medical bill but I want him out of my house within twenty-four hours, if he refuses to leave then you’ll leave me with no other option than to forcefully eject the two of you.
JEFF
Please sir, I’m really sorry about what happened, please don’t take it too far.
KADIRI
I have not brought in the cops to throw you boys out yet because of the respect I have for you but if I see him in this compound after tomorrow, Jeff! Honestly, what I will do, certainly, you wouldn’t like it.
103. INT.PARK.DAY.
BANJO and the SECRETARY arguing over MONEY in the FORMER’S OFFICE.
SECRETARY
Chairman, here’s the total amount of money raised from the sales of tickets for one week.
BANJO
Na how much de here?
SECRETARY
That’s one hundred thousand Naira.
BANJO
Na only one hundred thousand?
SECRETARY
Yes, chairman.
BANJO
Pockets the money
Okay, no wahala.
SECRETARY
Chairman, what about my own share?
BANJO
O’ boy! Which share na? you don collect am.
SECRETARY
Chairman, I don’t understand.
BANJO
You no understand? No worry, you go understand, when Jeff de here na two hundred thousand naira em de give me every week for ticket money, that time we never increase ticket money sef and I no de give am anything apart from em salary but you don come be ticket officer now, money don de short.
SECRETARY
Chairman is not my fault, you know how these things are, sometimes high, sometimes low, and you know chairman.
BANJO
O’ boy, me, I no understand wetin you de talk, de only thing wey I know now be say, I go get new ticket officer.
SECRETARY
Chairman, it hasn’t come to that now, I’m doing the job well, there’s no need for a ticket officer.
BANJO
Eh! No, de work be like e de too much for you na em make you no de do am well.
SECRETARY
Chairman, don’t worry; the amount will be higher next time.
BANJO
No! Secretary, I go get ticket officer
He leaves
SECRETARY
Fool! You think you’re smart, you pay less than 5% of the revenue as tax to the local government and pocket the rest and you still want me to give you all the proceeds. Greedy man!
104. INT. KEN’S OFFICE. DAY
KEN and NGOZI having a DISCUSSION in the FORMER’S OFFICE.
KEN
Now that you ladies have finally used your religious gimmicks to draw our friend away, I guess you’re quite fulfilled now?
NGOZI
Ken, listen to yourself, just listen to what a civilized young man like you is saying.
KEN
My friend, stop shying away from the truth.
NGOZI
Ken, there’s actually no truth in what you’ve just said. The truth is that your friend, Dan, simply had an encounter with the Holy Spirit and his life changed automatically.
KEN
Spare me that! Just spare me that nonsense! You people go about deceiving people with your message of religious fanaticism only to extort money from them in the name of tithe and offering.
NGOZI
Ken, watch your tongue before you blaspheme.
KEN
I am not anywhere near blasphemy, all I am speaking is the truth. Tell me, with the volume of money the churches make in this country do they in any way give back to the society either by giving scholarships and taking care of the less privilege? I think they should start paying taxes since they don’t have social responsibilities.
NGOZI
Ken, my heart bleeds for you each time I remember that you’re not saved, my dear, forsake this worldly pleasure that are mainly vanities and give your life to Christ He says though your sins be like crimson he would make you be as white as snow. Please…
KEN
Please! Please! Ngozi, save your damn preaching for those who need it certainly not Ken Fiberisima.
NGOZI
I pray that the light of spiritual understanding will come to you one day as it came to Dan.
KEN
I invited you here for a different thing; please can we talk about it?
NGOZI
Go ahead, I’m listening.
KEN
I want you to have lunch with me this afternoon.
NGOZI
Is that all?
KEN
Yes, isn’t that enough?
NGOZI
I will let you know if I can make it.
…to be continued.
