By MarkAnthony Nze
95. EXT. KEN’S RES. DAY
The DUO OF EFFIONG and OBOT standing and talking in a CORNER of the MASSIVE COMPOUND as the LATTER tries going-out.
OBOT
Effiong! Effiong! Effiong!
EFFIONG
Why you de shout my name like that? I be your house boy?
(Why are you shouting my name like that, am I your house boy?)
OBOT
Why I no go shout your name? When person go de call you, you go hear and you no go wan answer.
(Why won’t I shout your name like that when you refuse to answer?)
EFFIONG
Now wey I answer you, wetin you want?
(I have answered you so what do you want?)
OBOT
Abegi, open gate for me, make I commot jare, you fit do anything for me.
(Please open the gate for me; you can’t do anything else for me)
EFFIONG
I fit do for you pass that your yeye boy friend wey no know anything.
(I can do more for you than that your stupid boyfriend would do for you)
OBOT
Effiong! Effiong! Mind yourself, this morning, wetin bring my guy come into this matter now?
(Please mind yourself? This morning, and stop bringing my boy friend into this matter)
EFFIONG
Who you de call guy? That boy wey em head de like mango fruit we don overripe come fall break na em you de call guy? Na bobos like us na we be guys, I don tell you say make you de friend me, no be that yeye thing.
(You call that ugly thing with a disfigured head your boyfriend? Come and be my girl, I’m the man here!)
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OBOT
God forbid bad thing! I no fit friend ogogoro man like you.
(God forbid evil! I can’t go out with a drunk like you!
EFFIONG
Na em make I dey always talk say, you no sabi anything, you no know say too much drink-drink na too much money or you no de hear when oga de talk am?
(That’s why I always say that you don’t know anything. Don’t you know that it takes a lot of money to drink much or don’t you hear our boss always saying it?)
OBOT
Na you wey no know anything, poor man like you de compare yourself to oga, e be like say your death don de reach oo! Abegi open this gate for me make I go where I dey go.
(It’s you who doesn’t know anything! Poor man like you, you want to compare yourself to our boss. You’re digging your grave)
EFFIONG
Where you de go?
(Where are you going?)
OBOT
E concern you, you be oga to ask me that kin question, abegi open this gate jo.
(It doesn’t concern you, you’re not my boss)
EFFIONG
I no go open am till you tell me where you de go.
(I won’t open it till you tell me where you’re going)
OBOT
Effiong! Effiong! Open this gate make I go where I de go o!
(Open this gate let me go to where I am going)
EFFIONG
I no go open am, wetin, you go do?
(I won’t, what will you do?)
OBOT
Wetin I go do? Na wahala, you de look for and you go see am.
(You’re looking for problem and you’ll see it)
EFFIONG
Fela go talk say, you no fit do nothing, you no fit do nothing!
(Fela, will always say “you can’t do nothing”)
OBOT
…She pushes him down and collects the key from him and opens the gate.
Yeye man, ten kobo strength em no get, ogogoro do collect am from am, an em still de make noise.
(Stupid man, you don’t even have any strength yet you look for trouble)
EFFIONG
I no stand well na em make you fall me down but when you come back, you go see, I go beat you well-well.
(I didn’t stand well that’s why you’re able to push me down, when you return I will thoroughly beat the hell out of you)
96. INT. BAR. NIGHT
At their usual BAR, the TRIO of FRIENDS gather and merrily drinking as they discuss.
DAN
Guys, honestly, I can’t wait for Sunday to come.
RAY
What’s the big deal about Sunday?
KEN
Who knows, perhaps, it’s some sort of Christmas to him.
DAN
I’m not surprised that you’ve forgotten because you guys have short memories.
RAY
Are you good at anything? Apart from insulting big boys.
DAN
Oh! I’m sorry, big boy, Ray- Relingo!
KEN
…Laughing.
Dan, why are you reminding him of that Old School nick name that sounds like a dog’s name?
RAY
Ken, you shouldn’t be bothered about Dan, most times, he thinks like a dog.
…General laughter.
DAN
…Referring to Ray.
I have always known that champagne is not good for people like you.
KEN
Why did you say so?
DAN
Isn’t it obvious, his brains are like that of a fowl that can hardly remember anything; imagine few days ago that we talked about attending the church his new found ‘chick’ took him this Sunday, he has suddenly forgotten.
RAY
So, you mean you’re still keen about going to that church?
KEN
I wonder, myself.
DAN
Only death can stop me from being there tomorrow won’t you guys come along?
RAY
Since you insist, we will go with you or ken, do you have any objection?
KEN
I got no choice, man!
DAN
Great! Great, guys! I can’t wait to see the heavy back sides of those beautiful ‘chicks’ there.
KEN
You’re nothing but a pervert!
RAY
Are you just getting to know that? That’s exactly, what the man is.
DAN
I agree but you must take me there tomorrow to enjoy what you guys have been enjoying.
…to be continued.
