(All Rights Reserved)
22. INT.JEFF/COLLIN’S RES. DAY.
The Duo is talking in their LIVING ROOM as the FORMER prepares to leave for WORK.
COLLINS
Tax collector!
JEFF
Bed warmer!
COLLINS
You’re not serious, my friend.
JEFF
Simply because, I called you a name that suits you.
COLLINS
You’re entitled to your stupid opinion.
JEFF
Na you get your dirty mouth, any nonsense you like, you use am talk, e no concern me.
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COLLINS
You see, what I’m talking about, this tout job you’ve been doing at the bus park is gradually affecting your mentality.
JEFF
At least it’s better than sleeping with other men’s fiancées but wait a minute, Collins, are you sure, you’re not insane?
COLLINS
My friend, I have my faculties intact so what the hell do you mean by that?
JEFF
Anyway, since you say, you’re all right, it’s okay; forget about it; by the way, why are you not dressed for work yet?
COLLINS
Lucy is coming over here to spend some days with me so I have to feign sickness at the studio to get some days off to be with her.
JEFF
You see exactly what I mean.
COLLINS
Your statements don’t always make sense though I’m not surprised because the park has reduced a 2:1 graduate like you into a tout.
JEFF
Collins, you’re sick not just a mere headache or malaria fever but sick in the head! Your brain needs to be tested before you become a full blown psycho. How could you be sleeping with your boss’s girl friend? I know you’re crazy but never thought you would be so stupid to do such a silly thing.
COLLINS
It’s not my fault, she says, she likes me, so I can’t help it.
JEFF
O ’boy, I pit you!
COLLINS
Go! My friend flee!
23. EXT. BUS PARK. DAY.
JEFF collecting the usual fare from the TRANSPORTERS as LUCY comes and distracts him with QUESTION he finds OFFENSIVE.
JEFF
O’ boy, take and give me hundred naira.
BUS DRIVER
Kilo shi bayi, which one you no dey bros; how I go give you hundred bucks?
JEFF
No be twice you dey go? Abi you wan make I give you ticket wey bo get return?
BUS DRIVER
Bros, na fifty naira I get o! I never make any trip this morning, abegi, collect am like that if I come back I go pay you.
JEFF
Okay, bring am like that but make sure say you complete your money today, you hear me so?
BUS DRIVER
Baa wahala bros. I go complete am. Thank you, bros.
JEFF
Abegi carry go.
LUCY
Jeff is your friend at home?
JEFF
I’m sure you have his phone number, why don’t you call him.
LUCY
Don’t be stupid my friend, I’m asking you a question.
JEFF
And I have answered you Queen of England!
LUCY
Look at this motor park tout, refusing to answer me appropriately.
JEFF
It’s better to earn a decent living in a bus park than to be a disgusted prostitute.
LUCY
What did you just say?
JEFF
Exactly what you heard.
LUCY
You fool! So you have the guts to insult me.
DUROJAIYE
Abegi, oga Jeff, give me ticket.
JEFF
Correct bros! Where you dey load?
DUROJAIYE
Na oshodi oke now, I never change route.
JEFF
Bros take! Give me your hundred bucks sharp-sharp.
DUROJAIYE
Madam, I beg commot for road, make I give am money now.
JEFF
No mind am jare! Till I call boys make them commot am for here.
LUCY
No problem, I will leave but I will surely deal with you.
JEFF
You will do nothing, absolutely nothing.
LUCY
Just watch and see!
…to be continued.